Return

Here I am now. Again

I'm back to my childhood place. I hated this place, yet I missed this place

I born in this village. It's just an average village you can see anywhere. Nothing notable from my birthplace. Whether it is local products, people, anything. Just your average village, truly

Why I return, you ask? If only I can skip the upcoming event, I would like to do so, but how many I hated it, I still have to return to my hometown

I walked in a narrow soil path, and watching the ditch in my right side while grinning. Sometimes I kick pebbles, just to feel bored afterwards. I walked for some time, cursed that evening has coming and darkness slowly crawling in the horizon. I hastened my pace, hope that this evening would be clear, because I don't want my clothes to be wet of rainwater

I reach the T-junction after running for 3 minutes. I stopped by, discerning the broken sign. I remember this sign, and I'm sighing. "Ah, this sure brings back memories" I thought

~~~

"Hey, Aria"

"What is it?"

"Do you ever went to this way?"

"No, adults said that brats like us can't go this way. I don't know why though"

"Hm.. Wanna try to go?"

"Oh please, no. What if adults found us out?"

"Hehe, I'm best at hide-and-seek you know? Even adults can't easily find me out"

"How about me? I'm not that good at hiding like you, Kou"

"It's okay. You just have to follow me after all!"

"Okay, but promise me, if anything goes wrong, then we will quickly go back"

"Fine by me"

Little me was a coward girl. I can't bear to do something that adults prohibited, yet now I'm doing something prohibited with Kou, my only childhood friend. We walk slowly to the shady path, just to find out an abandoned shrine

No one's here. The atmosphere was eerie. I would have been peed myself if I didn't hold Kou's hand tightly

Kou switch his eye here and there, observing the surroundings while hold my hand tight. I can feel that Kou are scared too, but he force himself to be strong in front of me, so that the coward me can feel a bit ease

"Kou, let's go back. It's eerie, I'm scared"

"Aria, what do you afraid of? I'm here you know? I'll protect you for sure"

"Kou, I'm really scared.. Let's go back, please?"

"Wait a bit. Let's observe for a while, then we'll return to the T-junction. Okay?"

"If you say so.."

We come closer to the shrine, just to find that inside the shrine is dusty. Clearly this is a sign that the shrine has been abandoned for a long time. We return back, and survey the surroundings. Dry leaves like momiji scattered around, and breeze swept them, scattering them even more. I can say the scenery was beautiful, but eerie at the same time

"Let's go back. Nothing's here"

"Let's return. The adults will scold us if they found out we're here"

"Uh oh"

"Don't let my hand go, Kou. I'm scared"

Thus we return to the T-junction, and then go back to our home. We keep that as our little secret. Mom and Dad, even my sister didn't know about that event

4 years passed

We still visit that shrine together regularly. At first, we just play hide-and-seek, just me and Kou. The timid me scared at first, but eventually that I adapted to that atmosphere, and I enjoy it. I feel that that place was my special place for me and Kou

We hang out together there, play within the surroundings, and many more. We grew up, and somehow the distance between us shrunk, to the point that people would misjudged us as a couple. Well, I didn't really think about it. As long as I'm with Kou, I'm happy

Everytime Christmas come, we sneak out together to that place. What for? We cleaned up the shrine, sweep the surroundings. I don't know why but, I feel calm when we do the deed in silent with Kou there

When the New Year come, we walked together to the shrine to play. Sometimes, we just cleaned the shrine, but we do fun things together afterwards. What a bliss, surely

And now, we are a 3rd grade middle-schooler. Kou and me was the only students in middle-school, since there's only one school in my village. My sister has been graduated and she's gone to nearby town to work there

As always, I spent my school life with Kou. Doing meaningless things just to have fun ourselves. We were doing fun, at last until that moment

Before the graduation, Kou told me to meet him in that place at evening. I'm confused with his serious look, and I don't have any clue what would Kou might be talked about. I agreed, and when the school is ended, I take my bag and hurriedly go to that place. I'm no longer coward like the past me, I can stay there by myself now

I keep waiting and waiting, waiting Kou coming here. Evening, dusk, till the night crawled, but Kou hasn't come. I said to myself to go home already, but my other self insisted to stay here until Kou comes. But Kou has never come

My thought become a mess, suspecting that Kou was make fun of me. For the first time, I feel an unbelievable anger towards Kou. I lost my faith towards him. I take my bag and running whilst hold my tears down, straight to my home. I fell to my bed, crying until my eyes swollen, and slept afterwards

The day after, I woke up with my swollen eyes, heading to wash my face up. After that, I brush my teeth, and prepare myself to go to school. But my ear hear something that make my heart pounds : Kou has disappeared since yesterday, and no one knows where is he right now

My jaw drooped hearing that, and I asked Mom for further information, just to understand that since the school ends yesterday, the only eyewitness saw him walked to somewhere, but he didn't know where Kou had been heading into

I went out from home hurriedly, heading to that place straightly. I can't rearrange my mess thought. My mind blank, then become disarray, blank again, disarray again over again. Only one thing I keep pray in my heart : Please, please Kou, be safe!

I arrived at the shrine, only to found something there. Kou's phone neglected there, in front of shrine. No trace whatsoever. No clue where is Kou. My knee droop and my tears slowly burst out, and I let out a painful shriek, echoing around the shrine

The adults over the village together searching Kou, but nothing's found. With no clue, with no hint, they searching aimlessly, wandering in every corner of the village but still can't find anything helpful. The search last for a month, just to smash villagers to reality that Kou was really disappeared without a trace

I, with broken heart, shut myself in my room, grieving for cursing him for not coming at that time. I regret my anger back then, but nothing will changed. I became too emotional, to the point that I run from home to other city just to run from reality that I will never meet Kou again

10 years has been passed

I got a news that someone found skeletons in the buried in backwards of the shrine I used to tag along with Kou. The villagers deduct that those skeletons could be Kou's, and perform a DNA test on them. It''s proved that those skeletons were Kou's, and Kou's mother wished to perform a proper burial for her only son

Those news reach me, and I felt like I was hammered by feel of guilt. I was the one who agreed to meet there, yet I can't find anything there. Forget about found something, I even despised him for not coming at that day. I can't run from my feel of guilt, yet I know I have to properly face the truth I've been runaway from

~~~

I reminisce those memories with Kou, just to burst my tears again. I look at the broken sign, and turn around to the path leads to that place. I felt pain my chest. I know that that shrine was the place which I don't want to remember, yet my legs lead me to that direction

I arrived at the shrine. The scenery isn't different compared to when first I come with Kou. Dry leaves scattered, shrine's inside tattered, but I don't know why, I feel nostalgic. I feel happy reminisce that time, but at the same time I feel sad because this is the place that I lost Kou forever

I can't hold myself, my tears flowing again. I know. I loved this place. I play along with Kou here a lot. I make some sweet memories with him a lot here. I still feel like those memories just happened as clear as yesterday

But, I hated this place. I hated how this place make me angry to Kou. I hated how this place eternally separated me and him. I hated the fact that in this place Kou's remains found

Yes, this place is a special place in my heart. That feeling still lingering till now. I hate this place, yet I miss this place

The only regret is, I haven't confessed to him that day, that I really, really love him. His smile, his behavior, his habits, I loved them all. But the reality is cruel. Now that he's gone forever, I can only bury my feeling deep in my heart

Thus, I depart from that place, to the funeral of Kou