Persona

Hazuki POV

Wide back, messy hair, tall figure. Not a handsome lad but with his personality, he's loved by everyone. Easy-going, sweet smile, eagerly help anyone is trouble. Yes, he is Yamada Satoru

He is one of my classmate, 2-B of Sakuragaoka High. This year is the first time he's became my classmate. I was so uknown of him last year, due to my bashful nature. I was so shy to interact with my other classmates, and I spent one year weave no relationship whatsover with everyone in my class. I think I was barely recognized by my classmates too

I clench my teeth to change this year. I yearn to make a friend this year. I brimming with courage, just to be shattered when I entered my new class for the first time. My new classmates are already grouped, of course with their circle in previous class. There's likely no place for me to enter

One of my classmates is Yamada Satoru. He always surrounded by both boys and girls in my class. They talked and laughed loudly, make me feel envious to him. "Heh, riajuu wa bakuhatsu shiro!"¹ I curse him and his circle deep in my heart

The next day, the lonely me decided to go to school early. I depart from my home at 6, walked slowly while enjoy the scenery along the way. To my surprise, I found this guy, Yamada Satoru, walked slowly too. I instantly hide myself due my embarassment, while sneakily look at him curiously

"Why is he go this early while there's no one at the school? What do this guy is planning?" I curiously asked myself. I watch his slow steps, as if he enjoy his journey lazily. "Ah, I think he's same as me, enjoying calmness in the morning, I think?", and I slowly end my hiding, and I stopped care about him, continue my enjoyment watching the scenery along my way to school

Right before I arrive at school entrance, he stopped his step, and look aback. I have no time to react, and thus our eyes met

"Hey, good morning, Enomoto Hazuki-san", he said while smiling brightly

"G-good morning, Yamada-san", I replied his greeting awkwardly.

"Are you usually goes to school at this hour?" he asked nonchalantly

"We-well, I kinda dislike crowd, s-so.." I avert my eyes from his gaze

"Enomoto-san is a diligent girl. I kinda envious of you"

How can you envy me? Which point of me you get envy with?

"Ah, you usually don't talk so much, so I hardly approach you in class but, knowing this side of you make me feel happy, Enomoto-san"

"We-well, I'm bad at socializing, so I found it hard to talk with another"

"Do you? But I have a normal conversation with you right now, no? I think you are easy to talk. Well, mustering courage for the first time is hard, but once you get it, it'll become easy"

"Y-you can say it easily because you are sociable, Yamada-san"

"Haha. Proverb said experience is the best teacher. By doing repeatedly, I think everyone can achieve it like me"

To my contrary, talking with Yamada Satoru was so easy. We talked while walking to our classroom. We talked so many topics. Hobbies, interests, subjects, etc. I feel I can change myself with his encouragement, thus depart at early morning and going to school together with Yamada-san become my habit. I learn a lot from him, and I feel thankful for his cheerful personality

Kousuke POV

I detest unenthusiastic people. I hate how they feel they're inferior as excuse to ran away from reality. They don't even try to change, that's why I hate them

I love sports. Especially ball-related sports, like volleyball, soccer, basketball, etc. I like the people play those games. They're so enthusias to play and win the game. This excites me, to the point my blood boiling just by watching they match agains their opponent

In my class, there's a boy named Yamada Satoru. He's a cheerful lad, he's sociable. Furthermore he's good at sports. I like when we teamed up, because his role is a playmaker, whatever sports he played. His leadership is top notch, to the point that his team can win even against seniors

Although I like his personality, I am not that close with him. I just watch him from faraway, admiring his attitude and behavior towards our classmates. I want to be like him, and this urges me to change myself to be a better person in the future

I can feel my change this past month. From me who aren't that good with sports despite love doing exercise, to me who can be considered as football ace in my club. I study how Yamada behave, and apply it to myself, and sure, here I am

I am really thankful to him, who change me albeit indirect. Look at cheerful him, I know that he's a kind person. I believe there's a lot of people helped by him, directly and indirectly. I admire him from the bottom of my heart, now, then, and always

I wish I can inspire people around me to change. I wish I can guide those gloomy people, who was never confident with themself, to achieve better, just like he indirectly guided me to me now

Hanako POV

People called me bookworm. I can't denied it, because the truth is I loved reading books. Whether it's history, romance, fantasy, everything. I just love enjoying woven words into beautiful phrases, it contains emotions that I lacked in real life

I'm not that active in my class. People in my class were so shining, they're riajuu. They hang out, they play around, while I can't even blend into community well. My communication skill was so poor, plus they never reach me. Here I am, isolated in my own world with my books

When break comes, I engage to library as usual. Library is the only place I can calm my mind, immersed in reading various books. Within the genre I have read, historical genre is my favorite. Furthermore classic literature, the dictions used were so wonderful

Today, I'm heading to library as usual. I pick a fantasy novel in the fifth rack, and I silently read in the my usual corner. To my surprise, there is a boy reading an unfamiliar book. I'm curious with it, and I can't hold myself to not ask him

"Hey, what are you reading?" I asked him

"?" He looked up to me with puzzled expression in his face

"Ah, this is a mystery novel. Kinda unorthodox but interesting. Truly a hidden gem. I feel grateful for finding this novel" he said

"Although I have read a lot of books here, that book is quite unfamiliar to me. What is this book about?" I asked him again

"Hm.. the story is about a boy's journey to unravel the mystery within his surroundings. Started with a naive boy, but as the plot goes, he developed some senses and found a clue

Oh but I'll refrain to told what's next, I feel bad for spoiling. Quite interesting I can say, I highly recommended this" he said while smiling brightly

"I kinda interested. I want to read it" I surprised myself, I can have a normal conversation with him. No tense, no awkward moment. A blissful moment I can say

"Wait, I have reach its final chapter. Once I'm done, I'll let you read this"

"Okay. No spoiler okay?"

To my surprise, even though I can't bring a proper conversation till now with my personality, I can talk to him nonchalantly. I'm curious with him

"Ng, what's your name? I'm Sakurazaka Hanako"

"Me? I'm just your regular danshikou², Yamada Satoru" he said

"Yamada Satoru-kun? Are you by any chance, from class 2-B? That infamous Yamada Satoru-kun?" I jumped backward hearing that popular name

"Ahahaha, I'm not that popular though. I just have a lot of friends, nothing more. I really am just your average danshikou²"

Strange. He's a popular lad, yet I can have a normal conversation with him. I think I should be aware with my surroundings. I feel optimistic, as long as I can open up myself, I can blend into my class and got a friend or two. All was thanks to danshikou² named Yamada Satoru

Today onwards was a turning point of my life. From my lone and gloomy self into bright and cheerful self, but it's another story

Rintarou POV

I admire someone. He's not my classmate, he's my senior. He's bright, just like sun to me. He's a popular boy, even in my batch. Athletic, kind, smart, just like a perfect human being. I knew him recently but he snatched my heart away with his personality

The first time we meet is 1 month ago. I, a coward, got caught up in a fight with my 3rd year senior. Why, you ask? In my way back to home afterschool, I took a sight of a girl being seduced by 3 boys, which one of them is from my school, judged from his uniform

As a coward, I pretended to see nothing, and continue my way to home. But they force her, lead her to a narrow alley. I feel scared, but then I feel sorry for her, thus I pump up my courage to stop them, letting her to escape

The powerless me, surrounded by 3 boys with high stature, I can't feel but shaking my body tremendously. "Ah, if I know this would happen, I wouldn't bother to help her. Being hit sure a pain" I cursed my foolishness action that led me to being hit here and there

Not long after, somebody is coming and stop them from punching me. I looked up, and I saw an infamous Yamada Satoru there, stopping their punch with a single arm. He smiled, and asked them to kindly leave me alone

The 3rd year senior stopped, and urge the others to stop and leave immediately. I don't know what's happen anymore. All I know is, Yamada Satoru stop them, and I'm saved

Then Yamada asked me, looking to my injury and offer me to deliver me home. My strength all leaves me, leaving me on my knee, and he kindly support me on my way back home. He even treated my injury, and praised me for being courageous, facing 3 people at once although I'm so scared back then

I'm in awe, looking this infamous boy blabbering. I know about him, but not this extend. I'm starting to admire him, and I feel no regret for saving that girl. He encourage me, saying that people that rescue whom in need are the real heroes, not them that just stood and watched everything without doing nothing

Since that, I captivated with him. I want to be like him. Strong, kind, not hesitate to save someone in trouble. It's like I found my goal to achieve, and I really grateful for that encounter. Soon, I can show him my my proud chest that I can become like him

Yamada Satoru POV

I recall my unpleasant past. The coward me was being bullied by my peers everyday. I don't know why they targeted me but I think because I looked weak so they can trample me easily. Those experience leave deep scars in my heart, even till now when I already am a high-schooler

I learnt that they bullied me because I showed my weakness. Right after I graduated from grade-school, my parents incidentally moved to another prefecture due to my father's work. I also came with my parents there, and I entered local middle school there

First impression is the most important aspect. Thus, I lock my past self in a cage, and I start anew fresh persona : a cheerful boy outta nowhere who won't show any weakness. I showed them my cheerful personality, helped everyone in trouble, kept smiling and maintain a good impression among others

Yeah, they appreciate me. They helped me back, praise me for being a kind person etc. It doesn't matter to me, as long they didn't find my past. I'm afraid that when they learnt my past, they shunned me like they did to me

Unknown to me, I became popular. Everyone knows me. Whether it's junior, peers, seniors, even teachers and staffs know me. Well, as I said before, it doesn't even matter. The me they liked are my persona, to hide my childhood traumatic self

Last week I accidentally met my classmate, Enomoto Hazuki, when I walked my way to school. I remember she is a gloomy girl, which rarely associate with our classmate. I greet her, and walked her to school. It's kinda refreshing to talk four-eyed with a girl this early morning

She looked shocked at first. But by we walked, we talked quite a lot, she's looked like revering me. I don't know why, but I masked myself with my "honor student" persona. She looked happy and since then, we walked to school every morning till now

The day before yesterday, I asked to play football with my football club senior. Well, I must maintain my "perfect me" persona, thus I do nothing but accept his invitation. I haven't play football for a while but I remember the rule, and I keep train my football skills in order to maintain my persona then, yeah. We play well

One of my team member is an energetic boy called Nishikata Kousuke. He helped me a lot in that match, and praise me for scoring 3 goals. Well, his skills too are good. He saved our team a lot from enemy strikes. Well, for me, it doesn't matter, but he looked so bright to the point make me felt sick

Since then, I often accompanying him play sports, whether it's football, volleyball, basketball. He really is very fond with ball games. I suppose I had obtained his trust, so he's no longer issue regarding my persona

Yesterday, I feel bored, so I headed to library to relax my mind. I plan to release my stress there, stress for being keep my true self hidden all the time. My mind went astray, so to calm myself I took a book and read it. To my surprise, the book that I accidentally took was so good

Its story is menacing. At first, I really hate the main character for being awfully naive. His naivity lead him to being doomed, deceived, without paying anything back. But as the story goes, he developed a psychopatic sense and denied every existence that hurt him

He learnt that naivity never yield anything, and devise a heinous plan to pay the mastermind behind his surroundings incident recently. My true self feels sympathetic with him, and I kept reading it

However, a certain girl went near me, and asked me what am I reading. I kinda surprised, because I still in m true self, then quickly I switch to my "honor student" persona

"Ah, this is a mystery novel. Kinda unorthodox but interesting. Truly a hidden gem. I feel grateful for finding this novel" I said

"Although I have read a lot of books here, that book is quite unfamiliar to me. What is this book about?" she asked me again with puzzled face

"Hm.. the story is about a boy's journey to unravel the mystery within his surroundings. Started with a naive boy, but as the plot goes, he developed some senses and found a clue

Oh but I'll refrain to told what's next, I feel bad for spoiling. Quite interesting I can say, I highly recommended this" I force my face smiling to her, lock my true self deep inside, while feel worried if she noticed my change

She took the bait. She said she's interested to read the book, so I felt at ease now. I keep told myself to not letting my true self appear in outside. I swore to keep it locked deep inside. I vow that I showed no weakness, yet I showed my weakness even though just for a moment

After I finished reading the book, I hand it over to her. I walked away from library, and I learnt that to keep my persona, I have to read a lot of books, so that she won't doubt me. Since that, I read a lot of books and maintain my "know-every-book" persona everytime I visit library

Today, when I on my way back to home afterschool, I found a girl being hit with several men, and one of them is from my school. I know him, he is a former yankee which I beat in the past. I beat him and threaten him to stop doing that or I'll tell the principal, and he stopped doing bad things

But then, I saw him doing bad deed again. I want to beat him to a pulp to release my stress, but before I can act, a certain boy ran into them and rescue the girl. Whew, he's got beaten so badly. Well, for a coward rescuing a "princess", only got beaten. I laughed inside, but then I took an act

I stopped the ex-yankee's punch, and I order him to stop while smiling angrily. He kinda afraid, and stopped his punch and ran with his mates. I pity the coward boy, so I deliver him to home, praising him for being a hero while I laughed at him inside my heart for being stupid

He said he wanted to be like me. Strong, ally of justice, and eager to help them in trouble. To be truth, I didn't feel like that. I just want to release my stress for hiding my true self. But I helped with his misunderstanding, so it's fine by me

I feel so tired. I'm tired to maintaining my "perfect" persona. I want to release my stress. I want to show my weakness too, but I'm too afraid in case they found it, they began to shunned me like in the past. I afraid, I'm scared, I want to release my true self to the world, that the "perfect" me actually doesn't exist

But that won't do. My trauma never allowed me to do so. Hence I keep showing my persona while in the outside, while suffering in my inside. I'm all alone, even my parents don't know what I'm feeling right now. They just know that I'm changed, they believe my persona is me myself

I have no one to tell. I have no one to share. I'm all alone here, suffering from my trauma. I want to be free, yet I can't. I don't know how long I can maintain this but I'm sure that someday, my "honor student" persona would be backfired to me, leaving me here all alone facing doom

Hah, I don't know anymore. All I want is being myself, but I'm too afraid. I want to be free yet cage is the only one who save me. Such an irony

Me myself, here all alone, without someone know my pain. I endured everything alone. I must be strong. I must show no weakness. I encourage myself and I sleep, just to face another tomorrow which I have to wear my mask again

¹「リア中じゅうは爆発ばくはつしろ！」 are a phrase used for nerds cursing normal people who enjoyed their life
²「男子校だんしこう」 refer to 「highschool boy」